Well, my mood has completely turned around since my last entry. I feel a newly found self worth today, and I shall now explain why.

For most of the day, I was really bored. Cordell was being his bothersome two-year-old self, and my father wasnt feeling well, and comandeered the TV. So I went out for a walk, today was nice enough since the cold let up a little. I walked about two miles toward some intersection I have never been to, and then turned around. On the way back to the house (almost there by the way) I heard a kitten crying. I looked up ahead, and there she was, a small little calico kitten crying, and looked very lost.
She went off the road when she spotted me, and so I called out to her, because I just felt like I needed to help the poor thing. It was obvious to me that she had been abandoned out here. I found in a small tree just above a creek next to the ditch, and I slowly gained her trust. Once I had her picked up she was all over me. She's very affectionate, and the sad thing is that if hadnt of heard her crying the way she was...I probably wouldnt have given her pause.
So she's in the house now, sleeping and cozy. We are going to find her a home, and hopefully soon.

Anybody want a kitten?

Well, Im back in MI, now in close(er) distance with Inu. I came back to go to NMC, but now that Im here...Ive been really thinking. Maybe I shouldnt go. I certainly dont deserve a better education. Nor do I deserve any of the nice things that I have, or the kindness that I recieve. I am unable to hold a job, and everytime I think about it, the more I think that I should just be in a gutter somewhere.
I'll never be anything more than what I am now...nothing, empty and dead inside.

Well....since Ive been in Virginia, things havent gotten any better. In fact things have been worse for me. At this point, now I really need a job by the end of November. I dont think I can get one within such a restricted time frame. Inu came to me with a new idea, and that would involve me going to school. I want to, but I think that it would just be a waste of time...I wont pass, and all a waste of money, and me further into debt.
I'm just so useless, I don't understand how I manage to get such good friends, with me being such a crappy one in return. As a plus, I hung up on Inu last night because I just couldn't bear talking anymore, plus the long silence. Im just tired of failing at everything I put my mind to...

For the sake of Halloween I shall do this thingy.


Centaur:
[x] You are rather wild, and let your instincts run you.
[ ] You get drunk a lot.
[x] Bravery and boldness is second nature to you.
[ ] You have a deep love for astronomy and the universe.
[ ] You like to read your daily horoscope.
[ ] You have a high level of pride in yourself.
[x] In the woods is the best place for you to be.
[x] You are spiritual.
[ ] The horse is your favorite animal.
[x] You are possessive and territorial.
Total: 5

Elf:
[ ] Your ears are slightly pointed at the tips.
[x] You are very intelligent.
[x] Your weight is quite a bit lighter than the average person at your particular height.
[ ] You always wear elegant clothes and speak as politely as possible.
[ ] You are most at peace when you are gazing at something beautiful, like nature.
[x] You look very young for your age.
[x] You rarely get sick.
[ ] You are a very hard worker.
[ ] Above all other superpowers, you would love to read minds or see the future.
Total: 4

Fairy:
[ ] You are happy a lot of the time.
[ ] The best superpower to you would be to fly.
[ ] You are very shy.
[x] You love the forest and plant life in general.
[x] You are always willing to help others, even if you might not be the best to offer aid.
[x] You are young and short.
[ ] Dancing is one of your favorite pastimes.
[ ] If someone ticks you off, you are very clever with getting them back.
[x] Your clothing isn't always presentable, but you are comfortable with what you wear.
[ ] Circles are a wonderful symbol of unity to you.
Total: 4

Gnome/Dwarf:
[x] You are excellent with crafts and handiwork.
[x] In social situations, you tend to be a little awkward.
[x] You are short for your age.
[x] You are an isolationist.
[ ] You love to play practical jokes on people.
[ ] You are extremely fascinated with jewelry.
[ ] You look older than your age.
[x] You love the woods and the mountains.
[ ] You are well off, or come from a family that is well off.
[x] You have a short temper.
Total: 6

Harpy/Siren:
[ ] You are best at talking bad about people behind their backs and not to their face.
[ ] When you are annoyed, you will go to a great extent to torment whoever did so to you.
[ ] You often take things that aren't yours.
[x] You are easily angered.
[ ] Death fascinates you.
[ ] You are female, or a feminine-looking man.
[ ] You associate yourself with the wind element.
[x] You can switch quickly between your light and dark side.
[ ] You love to trick others.
[ ] You have a ravenous appetite.
Total: 2

Mermaid:
[ ] You love the beach more so because of the water than the shore itself.
[ ] Fish are some of the most beautiful creatures to you.
[ ] The ultimate superpower to you would be to breathe underwater.
[ ] You enjoy looking at ships, but not riding them, as well as you like ships for traveling, not hunting in the sea.
[x] You are good at swimming.
[ ] You like to collect shells.
[ ] You use sea items as jewelry or decoration.
[x] You enjoy learning about the ocean and the life inside it.
[x] You are extremely against ocean pollution, and someday, perhaps if you will work to stop that.
[ ] Legs on land are not as important as a fin in the sea.
Total: 3

Vampire:
[x] You're a night person.
[x] You have a fascination with blood.
[ ] You are extremely pale.
[ ] You wish you had a bat as a pet.
[x] You are not religious at all.
[x] Tight spaces are not scary or uncomfortable for you.
[ ] The sun's glare annoys you all too often.
[ ] You hate food with lots of garlic in it.
[x] To you, a kiss on the neck is more romantic than a kiss on the cheek or lips.
[ ] You don't like sharp objects near you.
Total: 5

Werewolf:
[x] The full moon is the most beautiful scene to you.
[ ] You have a lot of body hair.
[ ] The ability to shape-shift is the best superpower to you.
[ ] You prefer gold over silver items.
[ ] You lack self control.
[ ] You find it easier to have sympathy for animals than for humans.
[ ] You have a deep respect for wolves and wild dogs.
[ ] You like to be alone.
[ ] You have a terrible secret and you only tell people you trust 100% about it.
[ ] You'd rather be outdoors than indoors.
Total: 1

Wizard/Witch:
[x] You love chemistry.
[ ] You are intuitive and good at analyzing people, to the point that people seriously or jokingly say you're psychic.
[x] The most amazing supernatural power to you is controlling the elements.
[x] You are a nature lover.
[x] You have a strong sense of responsibility
[x] You spend a lot of time alone.
[ ] You usually hang around with a certain animal all the time when you feel lonely.
[x] You are spiritual, but not necessarily religious.
[x] Cooking is one of your favorite things to do.
[ ] You enjoy learning about Wicca and the occult.
Total: 7

Zombie:
[ ] You are pale.
[ ] You are hungry a lot.
[x] Many activities you do every day make you feel mindless, or like a drone.
[x] Most of the time you or a part of you is cold.
[x] You love to eat meat.
[x] You would resort to cannibalism if that was the only source of food.
[ ] You make grunts and moans a lot.
[ ] You enjoy learning about psychology because you study the brain.
[ ] You usually walk slow.
[ ] You are not afraid of seeing a lot of blood or getting a lot of blood on yourself.
Total: 4

Satyr/Faun:
[x] You are very passionate about the things you like.
[ ] You like to get drunk and dance.
[ ] You're very amorous.
[x] You like art and music.
[x] You enjoy feasting with friends.
[ ] You love nature but more for the animals then the trees and plants.
[ ] You like getting rowdy and having a good time.
[x] You laugh a lot.
[ ] You love the chase almost as much as the capture.
[ ] You wish you had horns.
Total: 4

Well, I have been writing (finally) and have put up the new songs yesterday I believe. I have had a fairly constant flow of ideas, but most of them haven't been good enough to put on paper. Job hunting so far has been labeled "FAIL" and I start to wonder why I ever came out here in the first place.

Its been about a month, and still no calls. Am I being too impatient? Am I doing something wrong when I fill out my applications? Why can't I seem to be able to talk to a manager face to face? I really do hate talking to people on the phone whom Ive never met before. I find it very uncomfortable. I hate having to use the internet to write up an application. Is it because it saves paper, or the fact that these manager types refuse to interact with people. I mean, I have poor social skills...but I at least try to find a way to get to know people.

The Warhammer tournament is fast approaching, two weeks from tomorrow. I haven't got mush painting done, I still have my whole army minus my Shas'el. I completed him today, and he turned out great. All thats left to do is some basing and dry-brushing. I worked so hard on converting him, and I think He looks awesome considering that this was my first time really working with green-stuff.

I feel so hopeless and alone right now. I miss Inu so much, I can hardly sleep at night. I miss being around her...holding her and all that good stuff that good couples do. I dread the fact that I have to wait a whole year before we get to be together again, and I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to visit. I think I'm going to go mad.